Final Destination Bloodlines Review

As a staple of the aughts, it’s fitting that the last entry in the Final Destination horror franchise came fourteen years ago. It’s a series of mid-budget horror films with almost no recurring characters spawned from a rejected spec script for The X Files, squarely situating it in another time. While none of the original run lit the box office on fire, it was the definition of dependable, with just about every film delivering a worldwide gross nearly four times its reported budget. So it’s unclear why it took long enough for the sixth installment to get off the ground that it was further delayed by the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic and the 2023 SAG/WGA strikes. But the upshot is a legacyquel concerned with legacy.

The series is iconic for its Rube Goldberg machine-inspired deaths, so much so that its teaser trailer was simply an edited down sequence from the film. The filmmakers are keenly aware that you knowingly walked into a Final Destination movie, as well as how well-versed audiences tend to be in film language. They use this to have enormous fun playing with your expectations. The camera constantly lingers on objects to imply their future involvement in someone’s death, accompanied by suitably ominous music. But you never know if it will imminently lead to disaster, or if it’s a fake out with no death coming, or if it’s a red herring distracting you from the real danger, or if it will be somehow involved in someone’s demise, albeit in an unexpected way. This gives them tremendous latitude in their scene construction, as it means they can catch even the most jaded audience off-guard at least a handful of times.

The creativity of the kills is important, as it gives you something to look forward to while the incredibly silly plot plays out around it. To their credit, the writers and directors know they’re making a gory comedy, but they try to infuse it with a bit too much earnest drama, distracting us from the fun. We begin with an extended vignette in which the opening-night of Skyview Restaurant Tower (clearly a riff on Seattle’s Space Needle) sees its calamitous collapse from a ridiculous chain of events. The seeds of disaster and resulting chaos are a delight, but we keep getting sidetracked by Paul’s romancing of Iris (Max Lloyd-Jones and Brec Bassinger). Getting us to buy in to these characters would feel more reasonable if we were to stick with them. Instead, after seeing Iris die, we learn it’s just a nightmare Stefani Reyes (Kaitlyn Santa Juana) has been suffering for the past few months. Iris and Paul are her grandparents, so if that really happened, how can Stefani be here? You can guess what that means – she’s dreaming her grandmother’s premonition.

To figure out why, she must hunt down Iris (now played by Gabrielle Rose), whom the family hasn’t seen or even talked about in decades. What she learns instantly converts her into a paranoid mess who sees Death coming around every corner, a skill that proves useful in a universe where that’s more than a metaphor. It also adds a layer to this simple fun-filled gorefest concerning the great lengths families will go to protect each other. While that works better than I’d have expected, it does lead to some incredibly stilted and cliched dialog. All the archetypes of this type of story are present: the oblivious (her father Marty, played by Tinpo Lee), the instant believer (Teo Briones as her brother Charlie), the estranged protector who’s returned to do what’s right (her mother Darlene, played by Rya Kihlstedt), and more. As such, they feel less like fleshed out characters than plot devices, with the exception of her cousin Erik (Richard Harmon), the cool guy who rolls his eyes at the idea that Death has it in for the family.

More effective is its running but unremarked upon commentary concerning responses to the fear of death. Some desperately try to avoid anything with the slightest risk attached in an attempt to live forever. Others adopt a devil-may-care attitude in which living their normal life to the fullest is more valuable, and whatever happens happens. It’s refreshing that our protagonist falls into one of these extremes, rather than the more common decision to have them represent a reasonable balance. This keeps the narrative from becoming too trite, as it empathizes with those who allow their emotions to guide them more than their head, as is natural when dealing with such a final event.

Speaking of finality, William Bludworth returns, once again portrayed by the legendary Tony Todd, in his last on-screen performance. He shows up for a short but crucial scene, dispensing exposition about the mechanisms of Death, and absolutely steals the show. Additionally, we get an origin story of sorts for him, one which binds him more directly to Death, and maybe helps explain his intimate knowledge of its workings.

And in one of the funniest callbacks I’ve ever seen, the log truck from Final Destination 2 returns. A vehicle whose existence traumatized my entire generation, instilling a fear of driving near large flatbed trucks, no matter how well secured its cargo appears to be. Even if you missed the movie, the crucial moment is in the trailer, which blanketed cable. So when it drove through the frame this time, I couldn’t help but guffaw with glee. Even more satisfying was that it was not a simple cameo. Of course, its use is not as effective as its most famous role, but was still very worthwhile.

The film can never quite decide on the tone to strike. The drama oscillates between over the top and overwrought. The humor can’t find the line between cringe comedy and cringe-worthy. The characters switch between earnest and ironic. The result is a mishmash that gives you whiplash as it thrashes you from one side of the emotional spectrum to the other. That said, the highs are reasonably high, and the lows aren’t all that bad, especially if you’re inclined to forgive cheesy writing. If you’re able to view the film as a collection of barely connected scenes, it makes for an entertaining enough evening. The lightly present themes even have the potential to spur a bit of discussion around what you’d be willing to do to protect your loved ones. Once the conversation subsides, though, you’re unlikely to spend much more time thinking about the narrative (those deaths, though…). Maybe that’s enough for a legacyquel/reboot of a middling horror series. But it’s hard to muster much enthusiasm with which to recommend it.