We all knew this was going to end in tragedy, right? I mean, it’s not like we weren’t prepped by the preceding six episodes – along with Ellie’s vague mentions of the mall from early in the season. But, as has been the case with each tragic ending we’ve experienced, it certainly doesn’t get easier even if its expected.
Adolescence is hard enough without living through the aftermath of the apocalypse. Figuring out who you are, who you want to become, and who you want to surround yourself with isn’t easy. And, speaking from personal experience, it’s super hard when you realize you’re not exactly straight and have to navigate that fun bit of knowledge along with the normal perils of hitting your teenage years. Watching Ellie floundering without her best friend (and crush) Riley in her day-to-day life was hard to experience. Seeing the utter joy on her face when she found her friend again – and then the pure happiness (something we’ve yet to see from her thus far) upon realizing that Riley feels the same way about her? Man, that was lovely. Bonus points to the show – and Bella Ramsey and Storm Reid* – for highlighting the awkwardness of that first kiss. But the knowledge that this wonderful, seminal moment in Ellie’s life would end in tragedy? Oof. That was bittersweet.
*This was an extraordinary performance from both Reid and Ramsey, and the first time the series has really let Ramsey show all of what she can do. The looks, the body language, the facial expressions. Everything was on point and so easy to understand and read. Now that the series has let Ramsey loose, I’m hopeful that it will continue to provide her with the necessary storylines to showcase just how great of an actress she is.
In addition to learning how Ellie got bit – and how this moment would set her on her path to become the guarded, hard to trust young woman we now know today – we also learned where her sense of purpose comes from. Yes, we know she wants to get to the Fireflies to save people like Sam, but the biggest loss in her life was Riley, who died while Ellie lived. There’s nothing like survivor’s guilt to spur someone forward – while also encasing them in a layer of self- protection so thick that it’s nearly impossible to chisel your way through. And that’s Ellie. Sure, she was angry last week when Joel suggested that she should move on with Tommy, but what was really at the center of her anger was the fact that he was the first person she’s truly let in since Riley. This is the first person she’s trusted since she lost her best friend – the person she expected to die alongside, but who Ellie had to kill when she turned and Ellie didn’t. She made a choice to trust again. Joel showed her enough of himself that she felt safe enough to trust again, and Joel was ready to throw that trust back in her face and run.
And that’s why, when presented with the choice to run herself – to turn her back on Joel and go back to Jackson and stay safe, she refused. Yeah, they’ve got a long road ahead of them (and we all know Joel is going to make in one piece through the rest of the season), but it was great to get a chance to understand the pain and guilt that lurks at the heart of Ellie just as we’ve gotten to see the same that lurks within Joel. This isn’t some green kid who has never dealt with losing someone she loves. Ellie is well aware of what is at stake if she isn’t able to become the cure everyone hopes she will be. But now that we’ve gotten a look into her past, we can better understand her motivations. And just how much it takes for her to open up and let someone in. It’s not an easy thing. She’s damaged. But in Joel, she can see that he’s also got damage. Maria told her to be careful who she trusts. Well, I think it’s clear now that Ellie knows who is worth her trust in this world – and it’s only those who understand the same pain she feels. Joel is her touchstone, as she is becoming his (begrudgingly, of course), and I’m so very happy we’ll get to spend more time watching this relationship continue to grow throughout the rest of the season.
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